I’ll admit, the thought of going back to therapy and starting all over again with someone new was something I had zero interest in doing.

Having to tell all the same stories, dig up all the same trauma, hear the same advice and answers be dished out without seemingly any true consideration or curiosity, just felt entirely pointless.

It wasn’t going to be helpful for me. At least so I thought…

Perhaps holding onto a little resentment for all the therapists before who’d not even taken the time to truly ask questions or recognise patterns of behaviour that would point not just to someone who was just depressed or anxious, but someone who was desperately struggling with undiagnosed ADHD & Autism.

It was only by doing the work myself, reading, learning and asking why I kept getting stuck in these repeating patterns of depressive and destructive behaviour did I discover the missing pieces of the puzzle at 33 years old.

And it’s this new found knowledge and understanding that has unlocked a new path forward.

Just even having this deeper understanding of self has helped remove a lot of the frustration I had been feeling, enabling a greater clarity in recognising patterns and triggers that would impact me more than others. That’s not to say I have all the answers still; I currently only have a clinical diagnosis for ADHD, and it’s the exploration of Autism that has lead me back to therapy.

Except this time I feel like I’ve struck gold. My therapist is truly curious, asking the questions to dig deep and find answers, rather than taking everything at face value. I feel very grateful to be working with her, and exploring my understanding of self deeply.

In just a few sessions, I think we’ve been able to get to what is truly my deepest fear, and as scared as I am to open up, I am hopeful that it will be something that helps me continue to grow as an individual. My fear of loss feels like the last remaining barrier to freedom.

And besides, if therapy is good enough for Julie Andrews, then therapy is good enough for me.

If you’re reading this, I hope that you find the courage to push through any fears you might have and get to work with someone who truly helps you to grow.

You owe it to yourself.